The Aftermath

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Making funeral arrangements was extremely difficult. I had no way to pay for it. You never think that you will have to bury your child. I have my family to thank because my uncle, as soon as he heard they pronounced Codi, he called a family friend that runs a funeral chapel. I also have my internet friends to extend my deepest thanks to. One friend called my bank and set up a fund for me to help pay for funeral expenses. Brian's dad and stepmom also helped with contributions. She contacted the Air National Guard and they donated $1500.00. Brian's dad was stationed in Iraq at the time and the brave men and women in his platoon dontated also. Many people donated and I cannot list them all here. All of the people who donated, either money or support, I give you my heartfelt thanks.

The visitation was hard but mostly we talked of all the good memories with Codi. There were so many people I did not know there but that fact touched my heart because those people didn't know me or Codi and they came to show their support. This was only the second time I had met Brian's dad. This time, when Jim, Bri's dad, came up to me, he hugged me and handed me an envelope. An envelope from the troops over in Iraq. I didn't count it until I got home, but when I did, I was amazed that those brave men and women sent over $600 to help me.
Codi didn't look like herself. The bruises on her beautiful face had darkened and the make up they use couldn't cover them. Of course, that make up isn't designed for children. She looked so much older than her 26 months. And she was so cold. I wanted to take her out of that casket and hold her but I knew I couldn't. I wanted to breathe my life into her. We brought her favorite toys and put them all around her. Her carebears, her kitties, her Blue. My heart broke all over again.

The funeral was both agonizing and beautiful. I didn't have alot of decisions to make because Dave & Bruce at Sassman's Chapel handled most of them. I did choose the music, however. I chose three songs, none of which I can listen to anymore. The first song was "Streets of Heaven" be Sherrie Austin. The second was "Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton. And the final song was "Dear Mr. Jesus" by Sharon Bates. That last song had everyone in the chapel crying, even the minister. When the chapel service was over, we all got into our cars and headed to the cemetery. We had a police escort and police blocking traffic. When we got to the road the cemetery is on, the officer there saluted us. The touched my heart too.
The short graveside service was so...final. When they lowered her casket into the vault, part of my heart left me.

In the end, the kind and generous donations raised over $2400 plus the $1500. I paid for her funeral and her headstone. I wanted Codi's picture on her stone as well as her Gift of Life medal. They are both there.

She may be gone but she is NOT forgotten. We all feel the pain now just like then. I, for one, will love her forever.