The Hospital

When Codi arrived at Children's, I was taken to a small waiting room and asked a lot of questions. The social worker and the nurse were asking me when was the last time I saw Codi; what kind of, if any, bruises Codi had when she left my house; if I ever hit Codi; had I ever seen Brian or his girlfriend hit Codi. I tried to answer their questions while a million thoughts were running through my mind. The social worker told me that it was pretty obvious that Codi was abused and when she said that, I lost what little composure I had. I didn't know what to think. I trusted Brian's girlfriend and yet it looks like she abused my little girl. I was told that Codi was all but a complete bruise from head to toe. They told me she was unresponsive and not breathing on her own. My heart shattered into a million pieces. I wanted to go to her and be with her yet they couldn't let me yet. They had questions that needed answers and also they had to make sure that Codi wouldn't be in danger with me.

I was asked several times how I disciplined Codi. And I answered the same way every time. I even demonstrated how, when she got into things, I'd smack her hand and the social worker said that the way I did it was hard enough to get her attention but not hard enough to hurt her and that it was completely acceptable. You never realize that the way you discipline your children may come under close scrutiny someday, and when it does, you are engulfed in fear, fear that you are doing something wrong, fear that your disciplinary methods are too harsh or above what's considered fair. It's a good feeling when you have to demonstrate them and a state social worker says that it's an age appropriate way to discipline your children.
I was also asked if I had ever left marks on my children and I answered honestly. Yes, I had unintentionally left marks on my children. When my son was a toddler he was running through the house and I didn't see him and moved my foot and he tripped over it. No big deal. And once I went to swat Codi's butt and she moved and I got her thigh instead, resulting in a red handprint that faded in a few minutes. The social worker said that we all have done that and that those instances were not what they would consider abuse because they were accidental. The whole time I'm thinking if someone was abusing their child, do you actually think they would admit it? Of course I didn't say that but I couldn't help but think that this line of questioning was absurd.

After what seemed like an eternity, they let me out of the room and I saw my family: my mom, my stepdad, my son, and the guy I was seeing at the time, Darren. While I was in the room speaking with social services, Brian, his girlfriend, and her mother had arrived.

I instantly went to my mom and wrapped my arms around her and began crying again. I told her that they thought that either Brian or his girlfriend had abused Codi. I held mom and cried for a few minutes when the social worker and nurse came and told us that they would take us upstairs and put us in a conference room to wait on Codi to be settled into her room.

When we got to the room, they pulled my mom aside and spoke with her. I found out later that what mom told them backed up what I had said. They also spoke with my stepdad and my brother and his wife when they got there. All of our statements coincided and we were "cleared."

I was so scared and worried that I could not stand still. I hadn't seen my daughter in 5 days and had yet to see her. I was pacing and trying to hold my composure. That alone was hard to do.